The morning after B and I got together, we started planning our wedding! No, really, we did. OK, so we were actually just pretending and planning a theoretical wedding and joking around. We’d decided that normal weddings weren’t really for us, neither of us like formal things anyway, especially B, to whom the thought of dressing up in something designed to draw attention is like some kind of nightmare. Also, we figured that since it was only our “theoretical” wedding, we could just tell our “theoretical” guests whatever we liked. So we started compiling two lists, we worked on them during the day, using messenger to send our ideas backwards and forwards to each other for our thoughts.
The lists drew on our knowledge of characters from sci-fi / fantasy TV shows and films. One was a list of male characters and and one was a list of female characters. These would be the acceptable costumes people could wear to the wedding! Yes, a fancy dress wedding!
It really was good fun thinking of which characters we could include. We ruled out generic things like “A witch”, and instead specified things like “The witches from Hocus Pocus”. We even went so far as to say “We’ll, need some that people can actually wear and look almost normal”, so things like “Indiana Jones” or “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” both of which would be all about the accessories!
I have to admit, part of our planning did involve joking about how horrified our parents would be that we were going to make them dress up in daft costumes. It really was great fun, we spent lots of time just chatting about new suggestions, or sending them to each other on messenger. Often bringing up whole shows or films we’d forgotten about; Blade, The Borrowers, The Jetsons! This went on for at least 8 months.
I used to have a thing where, when I needed to properly think about something that was worrying me, or stressing me out I would lay on the bed, or the floor to just try and sort my head out. Around the end of January I needed to do just that, and I lay on the floor in various places around our flat thinking. (Note: As of yet, nobody had fallen over me when I’ve been doing this!). The thought had popped in my head that I never wanted to be with anyone other than B.
B had tried having a job before Christmas in a large toy shop when we’d been living in the flat, but it hadn’t worked out because of her chronic fatigue and anxiety. It actually ended up just making B ill, and made me doing my job harder and I’d have to leave early to get and collect her if she was panicked or arrive late after helping her calm down in the morning. We’d decided we were better off simply with her sorting out the flat at that time and me carrying on going to work. So, she got into doing flat cleaning and washing up etc.
So, as I lay there thinking, B is laying on the sofa, and me laying and thinking has caused her to start thinking… like some kind of contagion! She was thinking that I was trying to find the right words to tell her off for not yet doing the washing up. This then got escalated in her brain to thinking that I was trying to find the right words to break up with her.
The reason I was thinking about being with B, was because we’d started playing the “Wedding Character” game again that evening. I’d thought to myself as we were coming up with names, I don’t want this to be a game anymore, I want this to be our actual wedding planning. I want to marry her! Trouble is, I didn’t have a ring because obviously I’d not actually been planning a proposal. I don’t wear any jewellery, so the classic use one of my rings and then change it at a latter stage wouldn’t work. Then I got a spark of inspiration… no, not a hoolahoop or an onion ring (But I like your thinking). I rummaged round in a draw in my room and drew out something that was very me, and actually had a ring built right in!
So, I was ready, I’d decided and I had my “ring. I walked back into the living room and sat next to B. Who decided that since she thought she was going to get a telling off would try and almost ignore me when I was speaking.
Me: “You know we keep making that list of costumes?”
Me: “I’m not sure if I’m comfortable doing it any more”
Me: “I thought we could actually just do it for real….”
B: “…” no noticable reaction in my purposeful dramatic pause
Me: “Will you marry me?”
B: “What?” – Big Pause – “Really?”
Me: “Yes, will you marry me?”
Clearly not the instant yes I was looking for. “What?” isn’t the reply I was initially expecting, but it was a very happy excited yes when she realised I was really asking. Then I gave her the ring I found earlier, a Lego Keyring:
It then came time to tell our parents that we were engaged. B’s parents divorced when she was about 4. Her dad and his partner were in Australia at the time on holiday. We managed to skype him as it was B’s birthday in a day or two and the skype call would allow him to say happy birthday. It took a while to get the message through as I don’t think he could hear it very well, but his first question was (hopefully joking) “You’re not pregnant are you?”.
Next, we rang B’s mum, who was actually travelling with her husband, and B’s two younger sisters. Again, when we said “We have some news!”, the first question was “You’re not pregnant are you?”, I’m not sure what impression we’d been giving them up to this point, but perhaps it wasn’t the right one!
We managed to ring my mum at work, who got ridiculously over excited in the kitchen and started hysterically telling everyone who was within earshot. Finally we rang my dad, and then all our parents knew. It was official, we were going to get married. We hadn’t told them about the fancy dress idea yet… we were saving that one!